So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Found the puke drawer
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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