i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
