I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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