that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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