pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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