ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
