I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
