ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
