We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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