Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
