dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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