My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
