I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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