I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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