Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
