$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This is the high leading the old right now
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
