I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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