my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
