She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
