im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
