her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
