I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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