ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
