Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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