My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
