I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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