Ambien. No doubt about it.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Pooping to opera.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize