what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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