Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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