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My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
