Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
