he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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