Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
