Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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