Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
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But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
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Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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