i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
