talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
