You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
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Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
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Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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