I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
