Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
