i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
