I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'm getting married
To pizza
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
