I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Welp...herpes.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
