You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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