You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
