maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
