I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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