let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
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Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
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Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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