I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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