What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
