Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
