I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Randomize
