You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
