like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
