god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
