I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
