His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
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she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
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I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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