My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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