if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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