Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I wish I only lived at night.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
