I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
